End Note Page 9

  I felt better knowing Murphy would have Oliver on the lookout.

  He walked over and put his hand on my shoulder. “You need to watch your six. Shit like that pops up all the time. Some of these guys,” he motioned behind him, “they’d think nothing of taking you out.”

  Watch my six. My heart squeezed. My Six were spread out all over the damn world by now. It was funny he’d used that term, and gut wrenching at the same time. He dropped his hand as Murphy stuck her head out and waved at us to get on the bus.

  “We got places to be. Let’s go.”

  INSIDE THE BUS, IN THE living room, music blared. Retro, Licks, and even Lars were still riding a high that looked like they were far from coming down any time soon.

  Oliver chuckled when Licks jumped up on the table and played air guitar along with the song on the radio.

  “Murphy! Get this party bus on the road!” Retro shouted as he spun her in a circle.

  She slapped at him to release her and brushed against me when she passed me in the hallway. I turned my head to follow her. She stopped beside the driver’s seat and talked to Jeff, who hadn’t been there when Oliver and I had boarded the bus.

  Oliver grunted when he noticed. “Gonna have to start locking the bus up.”

  Silently, I agreed with him. If Jeff could board without us hearing him, anyone could.

  Murphy grabbed the GPS and punched in the next address we were headed to. Jeff brought the bus to life, and we rolled out of the parking lot, into the night.

  When we hit the blacktop, Murphy made her way to the back and turned down the radio. Retro and Licks booed and hissed at her.

  “Shut up, idiots.” She rolled her eyes when Licks tossed himself in a heap on the couch.

  “Lars, grab a pillow and a couple of blankets out of the cabinet, please.” Murphy caught them when he tossed them at her.

  She handed them to Oliver. “Here, you can take the top left bunk.”

  Licks made a strangled sound. “Dude’s gonna come down with like five STDs from that mattress.”

  Oliver’s brow quirked, and then he looked to Murphy. “Should I be concerned?”

  Murphy stormed to the front of the bus. The sound of a cabinet door slamming was followed by the sound of something spraying. The smell of Lysol overpowered the air, leaving us choking on it. All of us except for Oliver. He smiled at her, and then crossed over to make his bed.

  His movements were fluid and, in no time, the bed was made and he was in it, pulling the curtain closed behind him.

  Retro dug around the cabinet beside the TV and pulled out a movie. He popped it in, and then claimed his spot back on the couch. Lars slid to the spot furthest against the wall, making room for both Murphy and me to sit. When the movie started, Murphy shifted, pulled my phone from her back pocket, and handed it to me. It dawned on me then that I’d forgotten to call Riley back. I nudged Murphy’s arm and whispered, “I gotta make a call real quick.”

  Something flashed across her face, but she shifted it to a slight smile. “Bring me a water when you come back.” She looked at my phone, turning back to watch the movie.

  I made my way to the kitchen and called Riley back, not thinking about the fact that she was probably sleeping.

  “…lo,” her sleep-filled voice answered.

  I winced. “Hey Riles, sorry it’s so late.” Hearing her voice lulled me into a sense of comfort.

  I heard her shuffle around. “How was the concert?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. God, I would have given anything thing for her to have been there just to witness the insanity of it. “Fuckin’ epic, Riles, only thing missin’ was y’all.”

  “Let me know when you’re gonna do a concert close to here, and I’ll make Paige come with me.”

  I could just picture Riley having to shove Paige in a car to come to one of my concerts. “We’re playing the music fest in Montgomery in a couple of weeks. Think you can make that?” I’d pay for their tickets myself to make sure they got in.

  “We’ll be there.”

  “Good. I’ll have my manager get the tickets to you.” Maybe I could get Oliver to find out how to make sure they got in.

  Riley didn’t miss a beat. She turned my words on me and laughed. “Listen to you. I’ll get with my manager.”

  I felt like a jerk when she said it that way. If she only knew how fucked up my situation was with Woody, she’d freak out and tell me to pack my shit and leave.

  “Yo, Jared, stop having phone sex and get me a soda!” Licks hollered down the hall.

  And then it got louder as they all stormed the hallway, the comments turning even more lewd the closer they got.

  I slid my hand over the phone and waved them away. I didn’t want Riley to know we hadn’t stopped for the night. Not like it mattered, but the lie slipped past my lips before I could really think about it. “The guys are back, and I can’t hear a damn thing.”

  I told them off and walked into Murphy’s bathroom, slamming the door between us. The noise died down a few seconds later, and I knew I needed to wrap up my call with Riley or they’d be banging against the bathroom door next. “Sorry about that. They’re really loud, which is why I waited so late to call you.” Lie number two rolled off my tongue. Damn it, why did I say that? Probably because with everything that had gone on since we’d left the stage calling Riley back had been the furthest thing from my mind.

  “I don’t blame you. How can you even think straight with all that noise?” she asked.

  It wasn’t always noisy, but then again, it wasn’t like I’d spent a whole lot of time on the bus. The guys were loosening up though, and even Murphy wasn’t quite as standoffish. “It’s been an adjustment, that’s for sure.” What would Riley think of Murphy?

  “Is everything okay, Jared?”

  Leaning against the sink, I balanced myself with one hand on the corner of the counter. My night had caught up with me, and I covered my mouth on a yawn that threatened to swallow my face. “Yeah, I’m fine. Life on the road’s been awesome. I’ve meet some pretty epic people. People I never thought I’d meet. I’m doing what I love. So really, how can I complain?” Except, I could complain, but what good would it do me to shovel my worries onto Riley’s shoulders?

  “Why do I feel like you’re just saying that so I’ll leave you alone?”

  “Why do you always have to pick things apart?” Riley was too perceptive for her own good, or mine at that moment.

  “Because I know you, Jared. And I know you’re not telling me everything. But I also know not to push you. When you’re ready to talk, you’ll call me. Regardless of what damn time it is.”

  That made me laugh. The fact she could call me out and then get snarky about what time I’d called her was typical Riley. “I’m gonna let you go before they follow me out here and start their shit again.” I lied again about where I was. She didn’t need to know I’d locked myself in the bathroom to talk to her. “I’ll call you soon?”

  “Why do you make it sound like it’s up to me if you call?” she asked.

  “Face it, Riley. Nothing about me is normal. Especially my days and nights these days.

  “You’re the most un-normal guy I know, Jared. Call me whenever you can.”

  I straightened myself up from the counter and closed my eyes. “Night, Riles.”

  “Night, Jared.”

  I clicked end to keep from calling out her name to keep her on the phone longer.

  My mind wandered over the fact that I hadn’t heard from any of the others and thought about texting them. Josh and Mark would probably answer back, but it was late and I didn’t want to wake them up. Aiden, Ace, and Eli were a different story. I had no idea when I’d talk to them again. Maybe Riley had heard from them. I’d have to ask her next time we talked.

  I opened the bathroom door just as Murphy had raised her hand to knock. She dropped her hand and tilted her head when I slipped my phone into my back pocket. “You okay, Jared?”

  “Yeah,
I’m good. I just needed to call Riley back since she called me earlier.”

  She stepped back to let me pass by her. “Oh, okay, well, if you’re done in here, I’d like to change and get ready for bed.”

  There was a flush to her cheeks as she bit her lip. I wanted to reach out and smooth my thumb over the indents in her lip, feel her melt into my touch.

  She cleared her throat, and I realized I’d been staring at her lips. “All my stuff’s in there so…”

  I moved out of her way and she opened the cabinet under the sink, pulling out the shorts and shirt I’d given her the other day. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to take over your bathroom.”

  “It’s okay. I understand. It’s hard to find any privacy in a bus full of people. How is she?”

  “She?”

  “Riley…? Jared, are you sure you’re okay?” She set down the clothes in her hand and held onto the sink counter as the bus bounced over the road.

  “Yeah, no, sorry… I’m fine. I’m just a little tired.” I backed away, and she shut the bathroom door.

  WHEN THE MOVIE ENDED, THE guys dragged themselves off to their bunks. Murphy disappeared as well. So I decided to go ahead and make her bed up after I made mine, so that all she’d have to do was lie down and go to sleep.

  I left my arm draped over my face as I lay down, so I could watch her without her seeing me. I was glad I did, because if not, I’d have missed the way her face softened and her lips curved into a whisper of a smile before she turned off the lone light I’d left on for her.

  It was hell, listening to the rustle of her settling in not two feet from me. Hearing her soft sigh warmed me. It also made me wonder how she got through each and every day being so uptight, only to be able to relax when she thought everyone else was sleeping.

  When it seemed she settled, I moved my arm and turned to look over at her. Murphy was lost in a nest of blankets with only the top of her head peeking out. With the constant hum of the bus, quiet noises were drowned out, but there was no mistaking the sound of Murphy crying. I leaned a little closer to the edge of my pillow, propping my head on my hand. With each sob, her knees drew closer to her chest and her shoulders jerked under the blanket.

  My jaw clenched as I gripped the blanket to keep from reaching out for her. Girls needed to cry it out sometimes, or at least that was what Riley had told me once. She’d said it was a way for them to purge the hurt out and move on. Letting her cry it out was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It seemed like her tears would never end. Listening to her ripped at my soul. I wanted to scoop her up and hold her against my chest—kiss every tear that escaped until she forgot what she was crying for. But I didn’t. I waited until she fell into a fitful sleep, cursing myself for letting her suffer through the pain that caused her the need to cry.

  Her breath hitched, jostling the covers for a while longer, and still I lay propped up, staring at her only a few feet away. My arm had fallen asleep to the point of numbness when I decided she was lost to the dream world and that I needed to get some rest as well. I rolled over onto my back, clasping my fingers against my stomach. Dawn wasn’t that far off, and there’d be no way I’d get any sleep once the others woke up.

  It felt as if I’d just drifted off when the sound of a struggle brought me instantly awake. I sat up in one quick move, searching the darkness. Murphy’s arms pushed against the back of the couch, her feet scrambling against an invisible ground. Her head rocked back and forth against the pillow as she repeated the word ‘no’ over and over. Leaving her to cry was one thing… leaving her in a hellish dream against whatever she struggled against was another. I came off the couch, placing my hand on her shoulder. Her eyes snapped open and her fist shot out, hitting me in the arm. She scrambled backwards into the corner of the couch against the wall, locking her arms around her knees. She was still dreaming.

  “Murphy.” I said her name softly, trying hard to break through the night terror she was caught in.

  Her terror-filled eyes were wide as she saw past me—or through me, whichever was the case. I had no idea what to do to bring her back. What helped calm me when I was at my most over-the-edge-moment? I didn’t have many fears, not like the one Murphy was locked in. I’d have to say my worst moments of panic were lightning storms, not just any though. It was the ones where the lighting was flying so close around you that the thunder rumbled at the same moment it hit. The sound that it made when it forked its way to the ground with a hiss and flash. I shuddered. The last time I’d felt like that was only days ago, and Riley took me in hand, shutting me away in my room to help me pack. Even with my blackout curtains, I could still see it around the edges. Riley had put my guitar in my hands. I’d scooted to a spot where I could no longer see the window, and I played. That was it. That was what soothed me. Maybe it would work for Murphy, too.

  I grabbed Stella and slowly made my way over to the other end of the couch where Murphy sat locked in fear. My fingers slid over the strings and I played as softly as I could, so that I didn’t wake anyone else up, but loud enough for her to hear me. I prayed with everything in me it would work.

  I ALMOST STOPPED PLAYING WHEN Murphy’s eyes focused on me and her arms relaxed, falling away from her knees.

  “Don’t stop,” she whispered.

  My eyes never left hers until the song was over. She wiped a never-ending stream of silent tears from her cheeks.

  I laid Stella down on the other couch and then turned back to Murphy. Her lip trembled when I put my hand out to her. When she slipped hers into mine, I pulled her into my lap. She buried her face in my neck, and I wrapped my arms around her as her body shuddered. We sat like that until her breathing evened out, and I knew she’d fallen asleep.

  Something inside my heart cracked, and Murphy slid inside it. There was no denying this girl, the one whose hand was tucked under her cheek as she slept on my chest, was meant for me. Was that how Ace had felt about Riley? That heart-twisting feeling of knowing that all you could ever want was packed into one other person? Could what I felt even touch what they had? They’d had years to build those feelings. I’d only known Murphy for a handful of days. Was the term ‘love at first sight’ true?

  Murphy shifted in my arms, and I hugged her a little tighter when a contented sigh slipped from her. My eyes felt gritty. Sleep called to me, but I refused to let her go in case I never got another chance to hold her. I moved her with me as I lay down on the couch, putting her to the inside against the cushion. She settled in, laying her chest across mine, tucking her hand under her chin over my heart. My hand found hers, and I wrapped my fingers around her wrist. Both of us held on to the moment where reality and dreams merged at the edges of sleep.

  I CAME AWAKE TO MURPHY’S hand planted on my chest, her leg thrown over me as she tried to get off the couch. I reached up, faking sleep, and pulled her down. She landed full length against my chest, her legs straddling me, and groaned.

  Her head fell to my shoulder, resting for a moment as she waited for my arms to loosen. I slid my hands against her back, up to her shoulders. She gasped in surprise, and her hips bucked into mine.

  “Mmm, Murphy, you sure do know how to wake a man up. Or is this a dream?” I moved one hand to her neck, as my other swept up to brush my knuckles along her face. “If it is a dream… don’t wake me up. Not just yet.”

  She sagged against me, and I guided her lips to mine with little-to-no pressure against her neck. My lips brushed hers once, twice, softly.

  “Ahem…”

  Murphy shot off me. I scowled over to where Oliver stood at the opening to the hallway with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. “Thought you two should know you aren’t the only ones awake.”

  Murphy blushed to the roots of her hair, covering her face as she darted out of the living room.

  I pushed myself up off the couch and pulled my hands through my hair. I’d been so lost in the moment with Murphy, not caring where we were, or who could walk in. I’d embarrassed her in the
process, and she’d find every reason under the sun not to be alone with me anymore.

  “Your timing fuckin’ sucks, Oliver,” I growled.

  “My timing? Listen, you might want to rethink the places you wanna get naked. ’Cause, bro, there’s no door here.”

  I threw a pillow at him. “Shut up. It wasn’t like that.”

  Oliver’s brow quirked. “No? Wanna hear what it looked like to me when I walked in?”

  I snatched my jeans I’d worn the night before off the table and glared at Oliver. “You want me to punch you in your arrogant face?”

  Oliver laughed with a shake of his head. He crossed his arms, smirked at me, and said, “Weren’t you one of the ones to tell me that Murphy was off-limits?”

  I gripped my jeans in my hand, vibrating with anger. “She still is.”

  His eyebrows rose as he uncrossed his arms. “You mean… she is to everyone but you? What do you think would have happened if it had been Lars who walked in instead of me?”

  I didn’t owe Oliver an explanation on how I’d deal with Lars. “What happens between Murphy and me is our business. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks.” I didn’t wait to hear what else he wanted to say. I grabbed Stella off the couch and made my way to the back.

  Once Stella was put away, I changed into my jeans and went in search of Murphy. I could hear her moving around in her bathroom, so I gave her a few minutes and went to the kitchen. Coffee was a must after a night of little-to-no sleep.

  Once the pot was brewed, I made two cups and stopped in front of the bathroom door. Tapping it with my foot, I waited for her to open it. When she did, I put my shoulder against it so she couldn’t shut me out. I needed to talk to her and apologize.

  “Jared,” she hissed. “What the hell are you doing?” That didn’t stop her from plucking the cup from my hand and taking a swallow. Her eyes closed briefly before snapping back open.